Sobriety Sometimes Means Blowing It Up
When I meet a new guy who’s seeking freedom from porn and sex addiction, I ask a lot of questions. Questions like:
>How’s your marriage and sex life?
> When do you slip up the most?
> When do you feel like you experience the most success?
> How late do you go to bed?
> How early do you wake up?
> How much time do you spend in isolation
> Where do you look at porn the most?
…and so on.
I ask these questions for a reason. And no, it’s not to be nosey.
I want to get an overview of their daily life.
Because I’m trying to find the “leaks” in their game.
See, why sex addiction is not about sex itself but about medicating pains, certain things bring about those pains–we call those things “triggers.” So one important thing I like to do with all the guys I coach is look at their schedule and try to diagnose their triggers.
I try to find patterns in their porn use.
I look for commonalities and consistencies.
Then after I feel we’ve established a firm grasp on their schedule and how it relates to their addictive behaviors I disrupt it. I blow it up!
Here’s a real example:
I had a guy who told me that he often viewed porn in the mornings before work but after his wife left the house. This hard-working guy would wake up at 7:00, get ready for work, and leave by 8:00… but would often find the time to squeeze in a little porn (no pun intended).
So, I told him to start waking up at 6:15.
Then I told him to work out. Hard. So he was exhausted and dripping with sweat. Right up to 7:00.
I told him if he was purposeful about waking up and immediately working out, then porn time would have to wait until after the workout. Except the catch was: after his workouts he had less time to get ready, was exhausted, and felt too nasty to reach inside his sweaty drawers and… well, you get the idea.
Of course this wasn’t the only change we made. No, in fact after we were done, his daily life looked completely different from when we started.
And here’s why that was so helpful. We intentionally removed scenarios and situations that we both knew would lead to porn viewing. And, by doing this, we reduced the number of triggers he faced each day.
And yes, it helped. A lot.
But here’s the thing.
This is a trick.
It’s a tool.
It’s not going to cure your sex addiction.
But by blowing up your familiar schedule, you reduce trigger moments and give yourself a better chance at maintaining sobriety. Sobriety you need so your brain can start healing, allowing you the clarity of mind necessary when working through recovery and true healing.
Blowing up your schedule is not fun.
It’s not easy.
And it’s never convenient.
But it can be super-effective and a great recovery tool.
If you would like to learn more about the X3coach Program and how it can change the game for you check out this video. Find out why coaching may in fact be the relational resource you need. Then learn how you can get a FREE coaching session by one of our pro’s.