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Posted by on Jan 28, 2019 in Blog | 0 comments

How Do I Get Over the Pain & Resentment Caused by Divorce?

Hey, it’s Craig (obviously). This week, we’re talking about divorce. A glaring, recurring question often asked of us is, “Just how do I get through the pain and the trauma of my divorce or the resentment caused from the divorce?” How do I move on from that?

Personally, I can’t put myself in your shoes on this one, but I’ve had a lot of close friends who have experienced divorce and the heartache it brings – not just for them and their spouses, but for their kids, their families, and their friends.

I’ve seen the ups and downs. I’ve also seen plenty of people who seem to expect them to just “get over it” and move on. 

From divorce flows deep pain… and perhaps especially within the church. Within many a congregation, divorcees may as well have been stricken with the plague. You don’t fit in because you’re not married… but you’re not exactly single, either.

I wanted you to hear from my friend Dave because I watched him go through a divorce. I’ve seen him on his best days and I’ve seen him on his worst days.

I know that it’s a process. I know this stuff takes time. But if you never take the time to figure out where and why you are experiencing resentment, you’ll never be able to heal from it. 

(And stay tuned – next month, we’re going to build upon all that we’ve been discussing as we tackle how you can work toward healing from the wounds of resentment, and break free from the addiction that it often fuels.)


  • There’s a lot of pain — deep pain — that flows from divorce… and perhaps especially within the church. Within many a congregation, divorcees may as well have been stricken with the plague.
  • I know that it’s a process and I think this stuff takes time. But if you never take the time to figure out where you have resentment, you’ll never be able to heal from it.
  • Resentment is at the core of whatever pain people are trying to escape from. If we can deal with unforgiveness, we can experience breakthrough in many areas of our lives.
  • Are we going to hold onto resentment and allow it to eat us up… or can we forgive?
  • You have to be honest about what’s real inside of you. We all have to start there. Otherwise, we’ll keep holding onto (or suppressing) our pain, and others will not understand why we’re so angry, or why we react the way that we react (and likely, neither will we).
  • It’s important for me to spend the time that needs to be spent. Do the journaling. Go to therapy. Connect the dots… and choose to forgive.
  • Sometimes, I need to forgive myself. I recognize I’m angry at or disappointed in myself. All right, well I can sit in that and feel like crap, or I can actually just forgive myself and move forward.
  • Awareness is a powerful and freeing thing. How are you thinking? How are you feeling toward others? That’s 80% of the healing process, right there.



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Posted by on Jan 24, 2019 in dating, Uncategorized |

Not seeing my Bloomsbury escort girlfriend for one and a half year is hard on me.

It’s really hard to have a life without my Bloomsbury escort. Now that she has been gone for a very long time I feel incomplete and do not know what to do with my life. I knew that we have made the right decision financially but this sacrifice is a lot of me. I do not worry about my Bloomsbury escort much because she is the kind of girl that I can fully trust with all of my heart. But with her being gone I have to take care of myself alone. There is still a year that is remaining in this Bloomsbury escort of nd it makes me sad but it is the thing that I have to do to keep my relationship with her alive. I know that there are still a lot of things that we should worry about but it’s alright. The truth is that the more I think about my future with this Bloomsbury escort the more I find myself really happy. I believe that in the cure things could still change between the both of us and it is quite terrifying. But I am quite certain that we can still survive this no matter what. There is a great thing that I want to do in life and for me to be able to do that is important. But without my Bloomsbury escort I do my think that it would be possible for me to continue with my work without having any problem. I believe that being with this woman has been a good and fun journey and I want to keep it that way. There is no reason why o should rush things with her at all. If our love is true than I am sure that we should be able to survive without seeing each other for a year. But I promised my Bloomsbury escort that after her work I will not let her go again. Not seeing her for one and a half years is not acceptable anymore. I will work two jobs at the same time if I have to in order to be with this Bloomsbury escort. There’s still so much more that I want to do with her and in older for me to do that I should still work hard in order to make her happy. having a long distance relationship is really hard for couples, even I barely make our relationship work but as long as me and this Bloomsbury escort is always reminding each other of our love then I do not doubt that we will always be together no matter what. I believe we can do it if we just fight really hard and do no ever forget that we have to work hard all the time. It’s the one thing that I want to do with my life and it is what I am aspiring for no matter what may happen to me in the future.

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Posted by on Jan 21, 2019 in Blog | 0 comments

Why Do I Look At Porn When Times Get Tough?

This month we’re talking about resentment and here’s another question that comes up: “Why do I look at porn when times get tough?”

Let’s say something bad happens to you: you get fired, you have a fight with your wife, the list goes on and on.

For lots of people, emotional or physical pain is a trigger. It doesn’t cause you to look at porn but it’s a trigger. It’s like when your stomach growls or you rub your eyes; your body wants something and it gives you a desire for something, whether that’s food or sleep or porn.

To figure out why you can’t break the habit of looking at porn when you’re in pain, you have to find the root cause. You’re going to have to dig deep.

You need to learn what your triggers are because hard times come to us all and we need to know how to deal with them in a healthy way.

Today I wanted to introduce you to my friend Brandon. In this video, Brandon shares how he has learned to not only deal with the pain in his life but how to get to the root and help others, too.


  • You have to learn how you’re going to respond in those tough times because those times are going to hit you.
  • What we don’t want to do is keep excusing your behavior  but help you actually get to the root and deal with it.
  • At some point you either have to face the pain or you’ll be crushed by the weight of it. God’s grace and mercy in my own life as a has has been something I can’t even put to words because it’s allowed me to say I’m not alone.
  • I know I can go to Jesus and he says, “I know you, I created you. I love you. I’ve shaped you. I’ll hold your hand through this. I’ll walk through it with you.”
  • Not only will he cut his hands off for me rather than using them to hurt me, but he hung them on a cross to save me. And when I think about that, when I meditate on that, when I look at that, I think there’s nothing that I can’t face and deal with whether it’s been done to me or whether I’ve done it to someone else.
  • When we enter into the process of healing, whether it’s through a therapist or through a pastoral counseling or through friendships, you can only deal with what you can deal with. You can only deal with so much pain at a time at a certain time, so it’s like a layer of an onion.
  • I think that this is where Christian community becomes so important. The question of what next? What do we do?
  • We don’t do a good job of really walking with people through life. We do a good job of saying, “I want to be there with you. I want to care for you. I’ll pray for you.” But really what does it mean to walk in the trenches with someone?
  • I think you have to come to the realization that you are going to solve it or die trying. You’re going to address it or die trying. You’re gonna go find help or you’re going to die trying. There’s no way around it.
  • Joseph says that when he was thrown into slavery, he tells his brothers, “that which you intended for evil, God intended for good.” I think that’s what’s been true in my life.


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Posted by on Jan 14, 2019 in Blog | 0 comments

My Wife Is So Angry About My Porn Use, What Can I Do?

Hey guys, Craig again. This month we’re talking about resentment, so – speaking of – here’s a question I often receive: “My wife is so angry about my porn use, what can I do?”

If you’re reading that question and coming to the realization that, “Oh no! That’s me…!” – you’re in the right place.

And – if you’re the angry wife (justifiably so) – fed up with your husband’s porn use, you’re also in the right place.

The first thing to understand is this: a husband and wife are going to look at the husband’s porn use in totally different ways. For guys, it might be a one-off fantasy. But for your wife…? To her, it feels like you’ve entered into a relationship with someone else.

There’s a total disconnect between you two. Husbands, you have to put yourself in her shoes. Start there. That’s the number one thing.

When we choose not to listen to one another – when we allow resentment to detract from our ability to sympathize with and meet one another where we’re both at – we inevitably construct a wall that keeps us from connection and intimacy. She’s mad that he’s still looking at porn. He’s mad that she doesn’t want to have sex.

Up and up it goes, each new offense another layer of cinderblock atop a wall growing too high to climb. That’s where marriages end. It’s where relationships fall apart. Your wall has become insurmountable, and your friendship has devolved into a chasm.

This week, I want to introduce you to Carl and Katie Thomas. Maybe their story is a lot like your story. If you find yourself doubting that, someday, you and your spouse could be healed from porn and resentment, you need to watch this video. 

In this week’s podcast, Carl and Katie talk about how porn impacted their marriage… but they also talk about what created the porn problem in the first place. Resentment was not only a root cause of tension in their marriage, but also a root cause of Carl’s porn use. When Katie was able to understand and empathize with Carl (and vice verse), both of them were able to work together toward overcoming pornography, and the cycle of resentment it caused in their relationship.



  • You’re a grown adult, and you taking responsibility for yourself shows that you’re interested in change. You’re interested in working through and past the problem.
  • Husbands, you’ve got to put yourself in your wife’s shoes before you expect her to put herself in yours.
  • Resentment is like a wall in your relationship.
  • Relationships end when the walls you’ve been building between you become insurmountable.



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Posted by on Jan 7, 2019 in Blog | 0 comments

How to Identify and Move Past Resentment

Hey guys, Craig here. Happy New Year!

This January, we’re going to be talking about a project that we’ve been working on called: Resentment. One night, a few months back, it hit me that so many people are afraid to get help and pursue healing because they can’t stop looking back at their past.

So, I decided that I wanted to talk about it.

The root of your pain is not your porn addiction. It’s not your failed marriage. There’s something underneath all of that.

It might be trauma.

It might be pain.

It might be something that you did, or it might be something that was done to you.

No matter what it was, you’re experiencing resentment because you can’t or won’t let go.

So, we started to help one another discover the root – to figure out the why – and how to dig it up.

In today’s Whiteboard Session, Steven Luff, a licensed MFT (Marriage and Family Therapist) in the state of CA, co-author of Pure Eyes: a Man’s Guide to Sexual Integrity and creator of the X3Pure on-line recovery program, talks about how to identify and move past resentment.

So much of the resentment that we experience grows out of disappointment caused by unmet expectations.

We have our eyes on some imaginary promised land, or a fantasy about something that we were supposed to have but didn’t get. As we hang on to that fantasy, rather than accepting our reality and recognizing that we have the freedom to change – to make our own decisions and live our own lives – our bitterness grows and compounds upon itself.

The brain can heal. It’s pliable. But to heal requires an acceptance of the things that happened. So much of recovery is about growing up.

People don’t want to look back. It’s understandable. Once you start looking back, you feel like your whole world is falling apart. The trick is to be in a community of people who can support you through the fall.

There’s a saying in recovery communities:

“When you’re falling apart, you’re actually falling together.”

Once you are able to recognize that you have this feeling called resentment, it’s useful to go to a therapist or someone in the community who can help you unpack your emotions. There’s no shame in asking for help. “I feel this way. Is it realistic that I feel this way? What do I want out of life?”

If you want to get over any challenge you have in your life – especially resentment – it requires your willingness to get up, get out of your chair and find a community of people who can speak into your life in ways that are realistic, honest and loving at the same time.

Those people exist, and they’re ready to meet you.


  • Resentment is a product of me thinking that life is supposed to be something that it isn’t, rather than accepting it as it is and recognizing that I have the freedom to make my own decisions and live my own life.
  • Resentment is a product of not accepting the fact that other people in this world can make whatever decisions they want to make.
  • Once I was able to understand that I could make – and began to make – my own decisions, I found that I actually have a lot more freedom on this planet than I thought.
  • Integrity is the antonym – the opposite – of resentment.
  • Christ as the best model for integrity. He was tempted by the devil. He went through his trials and tribulations, but he knew what he was called to do.
  • Recovery is about growing up: looking at the past, looking at where you came from, accepting that some things didn’t go the way you wanted them to go. It also doesn’t mean that life ends there.
  • God is in new, loving relationships (and not the opposite).
  • When you’re falling apart, you’re actually falling together.
  • Sometimes you just have to sit with it as it is and say, “that sucked.”
  • Real, honest and loving communities of people are out there, waiting for you.



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