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Posted by on Nov 12, 2018 in Blog | 0 comments

Is Masturbation Helping Me Stay Pure?

 

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Today’s episode of the Panic Button Podcast features a question we receive from folks often:

“Is there any way that masturbation helps you stay pure?”

I mean, if by “staying pure” you mean not having sex or getting an STD then… sure, it can “help.” I’ve met a lot of married people who say that they wouldn’t have made it to the altar as virgins if it weren’t for masturbation.

I found that the church often has a weird idea about what “pure” means, and it often translates to: “if you’re having sex, then just get married and then you won’t have to feel bad about it anymore.” Unfortunately, a lot of people who don’t want to have sex before marriage end up marrying the wrong person… just to have sex.

Don’t get married just to have sex.

At the same time, there are plenty of people who take the opposite approach, masturbating their way to the wedding aisle.

I’m not sure that’s any better.

In fact, I’d say that you might be in worse shape when it comes to marriage, and actually engaging in a relationship.

Now… do not hear me wrong, or put words in my mouth that I’m not saying. If you’re reading this thinking, “Craig just said that masturbation is worse than having premarital sex…!”

No, I’m absolutely not saying that.

But I am saying that masturbation hasn’t necessarily kept you “pure” just because you haven’t engaged in actual sex with someone prior to your wedding night. More than likely, it’s been coupled with the hard drive of porn in your mind that you’re using every time you masturbate.

You won’t stop masturbating if you develop a habit of it. I think that’s the hardest part of this question. Masturbation is easy. It’s by yourself. It engages no one, and it demands nothing of you.

So yes, masturbation could possibly prevent you from having sex, but it’s sure as hell not keeping you pure. And it’s going to be a very hard habit to break.

 

Our Favorite Quotes From This Podcast Episode

  • Don’t get married just to have sex.
  • If you masturbate your way to the wedding aisle, I would say that you might be in worse shape than if you’d have had premarital sex. You didn’t get anyone pregnant. You didn’t get an STD. But you’ve habituated yourself to the ease of masturbation, and it is nothing like sex with a real partner who has needs, feelings, and emotions that you’re not used to meeting alone.
  • I don’t think masturbation is keeping you pure, but could it save you from having sex? Sure. In the end, though, is that a “Wow!?”
  • People live beneath the false notion that marriage solves everything, but you won’t stop masturbating if you’ve turned it into a habit.
  • Masturbation might prevent you from having sex, but it’s sure as hell not keeping you pure. And I think it’s going to be a very hard habit to break.

 

Need more honesty and people in your life? Check out one of our online small groups HERE and get your 1st month for just $1 with coupon code DOLLAR. Also, listen to more episodes of the podcast HERE

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Posted by on Nov 5, 2018 in Blog | 0 comments

What Are the Psychological Effects of Masturbation?

 

About This Episode

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In today’s Whiteboard Session, Steven Luff, a licensed MFT (Marriage and Family Therapist) in the state of CA, co-author of Pure Eyes: a Man’s Guide to Sexual Integrity and creator of the X3pure on-line recovery program, answers this question: what are the psychological effects of masturbation?

Most of the time, when we get this question, it’s asked by a person seeking to justify his or her behavior. Say it’s a 35-year-old married guy whose wife won’t have sex with him so he masturbates and thinks to himself, “It’s not hurting anybody… at least I’m not having an affair or something!”

 Steven had a lot of helpful things to say in this video, and my biggest takeaway was the connection he drew between masturbation and a lack of emotional understanding. Namely: guys and gals who begin masturbating at a young age – say, 11 or 12 years old – never quite learn to identify the emotions they’re feeling.

If you haven’t put a label on your emotions because you’ve been masking them with porn and masturbation since you were 12 years old, it means you don’t know how to deal with your feelings. That inability will stunt your maturity and hurt your relationships. You’ll miss out on discovering more about yourself and the people around you.

He’s gotta do the work for there to be real change, but you need to be an active partner in the process.

 

Our Favorite Quotes From This Video

  • We weren’t biologically designed to sit in front of a computer, opening up constant windows until we find the perfect arousal template that gets us off – maximally – to get a “high.” We weren’t designed for the world that we’re actually in.
  • Are you using masturbation as a way to manage your emotions? Are you using it on occasion? Do you masturbate because there is a physiological buildup and a need for release? Or are you masturbating because you don’t want to (or don’t know how to) deal with your emotions?
  • The litmus test for whether or not masturbating is a problem for you is whether or not you’re masturbating to get away from uncomfortable emotions, or whether it’s a physiological release.
  • Most men – men who’ve grown up in this era, with porn available to them since the age of 12 – they don’t know their emotional state. They don’t know the difference between “I’m happy!” porn, or “I’m sad!” porn, or “I’m anxious!” porn. It’s just porn, porn, porn, porn, porn. They don’t know that there are these emotions that are underneath it.
  • When people choose sobriety over masturbation, they find out a lot about themselves. For instance: they often thought that the act was merely a physiological need. What they discover is that it has become a need because they have so hard-wired the neurons in their brain to behave a certain way. Sobriety helps them rewire their brain.
  • If you go your whole life and never get to the bottom of why you are masturbating, you’re missing out on self-discovery and your own journey of knowing who you are as a person. It’s a hypnotic state, and when you’re in it – acting out sexually – you’re in fantasy-land. You are physiologically and psychologically checked out. Until you sit in these life experiences without substance addiction, you’re not going to know who you are. And often, people are very afraid of discovering who they are.
  • Hopefully, you’ve got a loving church or loving community around you to say: keep pushing into the darkness. We’re here, and you’re going to find yourself. You’re going to find your true self instead of this mask that you’ve been wearing.

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